Janderra Counselling

Writing a detailed letter to friends and family can help in not only you understanding your grief process but also in their ability to support you and others in future.

Letter sourced from the Book – Recovering From Losses in Life

Dear Friend (family, pastor, fellow worker),

Recently I have suffered a devastating loss, I am grieving, and it will take months and even years to recover from this loss.

I wanted to let you know that I will cry from time to time I don’t apologize for my tears since the are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith. They are God’s gift to me to express the extent of my loss, and they are also a sign that I am recovering.

At times you may see me angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I’m not sure why. All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief. If I don’t always make sense to you, please be forgiving and patient with me. And if I repeat myself again and again, please accept this is normal.

More than anything else I need your understanding and your presence. You don’t always have to know what to say or to even say anything if you don’t know how to respond. Your presence and a touch or hug lets me know you care. Please don’t wait for me to call you since sometimes I am too tired or tearful to do so.

If I tend to withdraw from you, please don’t let me do that. I need you to reach out to me for several months.

Pray for me that I would know God’s comfort and love. It does help to let me know that you are praying for me.

If you have experienced a similar type of loss, please feel free to share it with me. It will help rather than cause me to feel worse. And don’t stop sharing if I begin to cry. It’s alright, and any tears you express as we talk are all right too.

This loss is so painful, and right now if feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But I will survive and eventually recover. I cling to that knowledge, even though there have been times when I didn’t feel it. I know that I will not always feel as I do now. Laughter and joy will emerge once again someday.

Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening and praying. Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will always be thankful.

H. Norman Wright who is a grief and trauma counsellor goes on to say

Take charge of your grief. Face it. Experience it and you will recover.

H. Norman Wright – Recovering From Losses in Life

I would encourage you to personalise the letter a little and ask for prayer for your family as well who have been effected by the same loss.

Grief is not something that you get over over night it is a process and a journey H.Norman Wright also shares this graph outlining the possible timeline for the grief process indicating it can take over 2 years.